Let's Meet the Girls!

ABC has posted bios of all the women vying for Brad's affections on this season's Bachelor. As usual, instead of making you parse through them all, I have done the dirty work for you so you're in the know before tonight's premiere.

So here's how it's shaping up:

There are 30 women who start off the show tonight. 30! Is that a record? I'm not sure, but it's a lot of people to keep straight. So, of course, ABC has to make sure that each stands out in her own way.

California is the most-represented home state of the women. Four come from the Golden State. Washington and Florida tie for second with three each. Two come from Texas and two come from Colorado. The rest are scattered all over the country,

As always, the jobs run the gamut as well from white collar (Cristy is an attorney, Ashley H. is  a dentist, and Sarah P. is a real estate agent) to more service-oriented jobs (Melissa is a waitress, Michelle is a hairstylist, Stacey is a bartender, and Rebecca is an esthetician) to jobs that sound like ones the show made up to cover the fact that the girls were found through LA modeling agencies (Kimberley and Lisa M. are both "marketing coordinators" -- whatever THAT means and Jill and Lisa P. are both "sales directors" -- which could mean they lead the sales departments at high-end Fortune 500 companies or they change the signs at Wal-mart for when sale prices go into effect. In typical fashion, the producers leave this all a bit nebulous for us.)

Two of the hopefuls for Brad's affections are school teachers. Lauren teaches high school and Lindsay teaches first grade. Although I have a feeling that after all the dirty laundry airs on this show, neither lady is going to have much of a job to come back to (Paging Ashley Miss "dress-up in a too-tight flight attendant's uniform to turn on Jake". Your homeroom is calling...)

Some of the women actually have pretty interesting-sounding jobs. Marissa is a sports publicist and Keltie is a Rockette. Britt is a food writer, although it's not specified whether she writes for Food and Wine Magazine or does a blog about the joys of deep-frying Oreos and ice cream. Emily is a children's hospital event planner which rockets her up to the top of the "do-gooder" list.

On the creative side, Jackie's job is listed as "artist" and Sarah L. is a musical theater performer.

I already respect Madison because her job just tells it like it is -- "model". It's widely known that most of these girls are cast through modeling agencies in LA. Their home states are put into their bios so it seems like there is a diversity, but there really isn't much. I'm sure a few of these girls are "real" and are what the show says they are. But I'm guessing most of them live in the LA area and are all trying to break into show business or cash in on their looks in some way.

As usual, the producers have to also throw in some girls who have totally random, off-the-wall jobs because otherwise they would never be remembered. Raichel's job is listed as "manscaper" on the official web site, so you just KNOW that we're going to get a really painful waxing scene where Brad is going to yell out, "Kelly Clarkson!" in agony as she peels his nether regions. Shawntel is a funeral director from Chico, California, so I'm guessing they are either going to cast her as the weird, anti-social girl who wears white make-up and sleeps a lot during the day, or else show her as a sunny, bubbly personality who loves life (SHOCK! You mean a funeral director can be pretty, smart, and have a sunny Mary Poppins disposition?)

There is also the usual group of girls who don't know how to spell their own names. This season we get Britnee, Raichel, Shawntel, and some girl who is only listed as the letter "J". 'Nuff said about that...

One interesting side note: You can tell the producers cast this show thinking Chris from Ali's season would say yes to being the new Bachelor. Remember him? He was the sad-sack guy who had quit his career to move back to Massachusetts to take care of his dying mother? He was likable, but always seemed to have a dark cloud over his head. The producers apparently offered the spot to him, but he declined. One of the women on this show is from Massachusetts like he is, and her mom just died too after she left her career to go care for her. Isn't that the perfect match since Chris has the same story? Alas, it was not meant to be.

It's interesting to note that Brad is 38 years old, but the oldest woman there is 32. Almost all of the women are in their mid-20's. the youngest is 24. So either Brad likes 'em younger, or the show knows that young, hot chicks make this show what it is and will help the poor husbands and boyfriends who are forced to watch this show by their wives and girlfriends justify their viewing habits as well. My guess is that it's a bit of both.

So there you have it. Who stands out to you? Any front-runner favorites? Let us know!

P.S. I just found this. If you want even more "depth" (and I use that word loosely with this show), click here for a hilarious breakdown of the numbers as reported in the bios. Lovin' it!